Love and Health...

Just new here.... as i slowly chill at home i think back on how crazy my world has been these past few days....

But before anything else let me give a quick intro of myself... Names Josh your typical Chiboytoy...
Chi meaning Chinese and as for the boytoy part ill leave that for you to decide...

My career has been booming these past few months... to good actually that i took the advantage of doing great things... but in doing so it seems i have extended way past my limits that my body wasn't able to cope up with the stress at work...

Why did i work this much...? For i broke up 2 months ago... it wasn't easy but it had to be done... A person i loved for almost 2 years... i had to let go for clearly my relationship with my ex would no longer be feasible. I ended up getting hurt again and again and i was stupid enough to believe every apology and promise this person made to me...

In the process of burying myself with work, a new person came into my life trying to help me out get over and mend my pains. I don't know if hes the one but i had been pretty transparent with him... but still hes always around to assure me hes not rushing things and he'll always be there. i also do my part to be there for him and give him my share of time and reciprocate the the actions and importance hes giving to me...

And so going back...

Alas my body broke and i had to be confined in the hospital last week due to all the stress from work, partying all night, endless booze you name it i did it lol ... and before i knew it i was confined due to chronic sinusitis and myocarditis. When my ex found out i was sick he came back into the picture... he didnt take no for an answer of not visiting me in the hospital he also volunteered to stay with me which i truly appreciated... though he knows im hesistant of him and im open to others he wanted to me to believe hes changed. He used this as an opportunity to truly win me back and even win my family's trust.

During these times he was trying to prove me wrong on the image he already had with me... trying to clean it all and redeem himself... but during this phase i realized hes getting to be clingy again and possesive though we didnt have the status he was on his throne once again. i didnt had the strength to react that im noticing things nor did i want to contradict him with his ways for i wanted him to resolve things on his own...

My friends wanted to visit though i didnt let them for he was around... i didnt want any problems with him for he usually thinks and accuses of things even when theres no basis. So they came when he was gone and who was i to stop these people from coming to see me where in fact i should be touched and honored they want to be with me as i recover from all these... I knew if he found out hed go berserk and so i didnt tell him... but my intentions were clean... i just wanted peace...

But i was wrong 2 hours later my ex arrived and i was surprised as well that he came to my room. everything went berserk he was pissed and again ive seen the nightmare i used to have in my life. All the efforts of his these past days of redeeming himself which i almost believed went down the drain. and i was embarrassed as well to my friend who came only to visit with no bad intentions at all.

Same old stuff... accusations, dramas, and threats came again from him... i guess people really dont change.... though he calmed down after a few hours i thought that was it. We talked and it worked but again his possessiveness acted up he got my phones while i slept read my messages.... though as usual there shouldn't be any accusations if hed let me explain but clearly theres no need to as well since were not us... he left me hanging with tears in my eyes and all... though my condition wasnt stable that night and clearly he knew i needed someone he walked out on me...

If ever this reaches you ... though i doubt it you know who you are... i believe now i can truly say that im done giving chances and i'm done with you making excuses whenever you blow your top... or for the times you plead for a last chance which seems to be endless... though its going to be hard its time for me as well to really focus on healing all the pains and damages you gave.

i never claim im perfect and i believe i have my share of faults in our rel but i believe i never deserved your threats nor accusations for i had always been faithful even to the last time you saw me... My thoughts of you was what was holding me back from moving on.... though i always thought my painful memories of you would be the memories that i would laugh at in due time... but i never thought that the laughing memories i had with you are the memories that would make me cry... For all the pains ive caused you im sorry, for all the wonderful times we shared thank you. i wish you all the best i truly do but this is the part of my life as well that i make sure our paths no longer cross. This is where it all stops...

Im out of the hospital and on my way back to my feet.. a few days and ill be fully recovered to my old self a Chiboytoy. You know who and what i am in someones life you made a choice and so will i now.

Though its hard for me to say this ill have to go my own way... i got to do whats best for me since you walked out on me im sure youll be ok... from these point on please leave me be for rest assured theres nothing for you to return to. Lets just go on our seperate ways and forget everything... Tc always and God bless